


Alone

by OnlyOneWoman



Series: Self-indulgent Comfort Smut [1]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Freezing, Gunnbones, Insomnia, Kisses, Loneliness, M/M, Nightmares, Rimming, Tenderness, care, discovering feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:52:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: Just before season 4 - time is not really important here. Billy and Ben are staying alone in a house in Nassau and Ben has some trouble with sleeping.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luls/gifts), [AngryPirateHusbands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryPirateHusbands/gifts).



To be honest, he’s not paid the man much attention. In the cage, yes, but now his mind has been occupied with Vane, Flint, Silver and fucking Nassau for weeks. And Ben is so quiet, invisible and passing like a shadow. And tonight, as Billy once again wakes up on his lumpy mattress and realises Ben’s gone, he can’t go back to sleep.  
  
Muttering curses, he leaves his bed and puts his boots and belt on. Ben is a grown man, Billy shouldn’t go after him like some kind of mother hen, but the state the poor man had been in when they first met has stirred up Billy’s natural urge of protection. Ben’s after all a part of his crew now and the crew is family. You may not get along with all of it, may even hate some of the men, but in the end no one will survive on his own. That’s Billy’s way of living, to care for the flock, no matter how much irritation it causes him. And that feeling of responsibility is what makes him leave his bed to search for the crews newest recruit.  
  
The night is unusually cool and for a second, Billy’s almost glad he's up. He pulls the fresh air deep down his lungs, enjoying the soothing sensation and the fact that the safehouse is located in an area where there are no neighbours to disturbe the peace and quiet. Billy almost forgets about his errand for a moment, until he sees a low light flicker from the other side of the house.  
  
He draws his long knife, who knows who it might be, and walks as light as possible, close to the wall. When he reveals himself, knife held in a quite fearsome position, the man by the small fire jumps to his feet.  
  
”Fuck! Billy, you scared me!”  
”I could say the same.”  
  
Equally annoyed and relieved, Billy puts his knife back in it’s sheet. Ben has swept himself in a blanket and the fire is… well, it’s hardly good enough for a cooking fire. Billy nods at it.  
  
”That’s quite a pitiful excuse for a fire.”  
”Don’t want to rise attention.”  
”It’s barely good for roasting a fish on a stick.”  
”Still better than nothing.”  
  
Billy sighs.  
  
”Why can’t you just tell me when you’re wandering off? Or make a fire inside?”  
”And wake you up?”  
  
Ben sounds like it’s the most ridiculous idea he’s ever heard of, interrupting a mate’s sleep because of a nightly walk, but the slightly redness in his eyes and the dark circles surrounding them, speak of something else. Weariness. Loneliness, perhaps. It’s been a long time since anyone asked about Ben’s wellfare. Billy is suddenly disappointed that it didn’t occure to Ben that Billy could care. Or that he would be disturbed by Ben making a fire inside.  
  
”Come back with me. I’ll make a fire and we can heat up some wine.”  
  
He pats the man’s shoulder, even though he had to admit it would’ve felt better to just hold an arm around him. Not that it would’ve been anything strange in that. Comforting a brother. Billy is, how ever, a little confused by why that thought had crossed his mind and as they go inside, he quickly takes to make a fire and find a kettle for the wine.  
  
Ben sits down by the fire, holding out his fingers to the heat. His hands and arms are quite lean considering the life he’s lived. His lower arms light hairs are almost invisible and the bracelet he wears only add to the smooth look. Billy forces himself to stop looking and heats up the wine, pouring it in two cups and giving one of them to the shivering man.  
  
”Thank you.”  
  
Ben swallows some of the warm drink and gives a bleak smile that for some reason makes Billy’s heart sting a little.  
  
”You couldn’t sleep?”  
”Apparently not.”  
  
The blonde man looks more weary than just from a little lack of sleep and the smile turns almost sarcastic.  
  
”Have nightmares, you know. And I can’t seem to get warm enough. Stupid as fuck… We’re in the Carribean, not fucking Scotland.”  
”So you made a fire?”  
”Tried to.”  
  
Another shiver goes through the man’s body and Billy reacts in the only way that feels reasonable and natural to him. He rises to fetch his blanket, drapes it around Ben’s recently scrawny shoulders and sits down behind the man. He rubs his back with his rough palms, feeling the need to make the latest member of the flock under his care feeling looked after. Cared for. Ben has been without a flock, without friends for such a long time and Billy knows all too well how painful that solitude became after a while. Ben doesn’t seem to dislike the touch, but he doesn’t lean into it either.  
  
”You’re a very kind man, Billy.”  
”Well… That depends on, I guess.”  
”You’re helping me. I’m not used to that.”  
”What about your old crew?”  
”A slave ship. Not the same as a pirate crew…”  
”You don’t miss anyone?”  
”Not really. Didn’t like to see them die but there was no real friendship among us.”  
”Then some good came out of the doldrums except for the union between the pirates and the maroons.”  
”Like what?”  
”You came with us.”  
  
Ben hums in agreement and sips on his drink. Billy’s embrace is warm and soothing, irrestistable for a man who’s been freezing for so many nights and with a sigh Ben finally allows himself to lean back at his chest.  
  
The cracking fire and the sounds from the wild creatures of the night are the only things to be heard. Ben’s spine is sticking out, his bones can be easily felt under the skin from long weeks of malnourishment. Billy can remember several periods in his life of starvation, some worse than others and more than anything he remembers the nights and how hard it was to stay warm, even in a warm climate. As if the blood couldn’t get warm no matter how much you tried, until the worst hunger was stilled.  
  
Billy wraps his arms around the tired man. The soft hair smells from fire and just a hint of soap. Ben likes to wash himself more regularly than many other men Billy has known. Maybe because of the long imprisonment. He’d been rugged as an old crow in that cage, unable to have a swim, wash up, change clothes or shave. The transformation provided by soap, a shaving blade, a comb and some new clothes has been… huge, to say the least. And it certainly doesn’t decrease the urge to hold him.  
  
”Billy?”  
”Yeah?”  
”Why is it that you’re so kind to me?”  
”Uhm… Well… You need it. And I like your company.”  
  
An almost mute laughter can be heard from Ben.  
  
”A half mad Scotsman from a maroon camp…”  
”You’re not mad. Or half mad. You saw your crew die and were left alone in that camp. I know a lot of men who’d go truly mad from that, but you’re clearheaded, Ben. Your nightmares don’t change that, I have nightmares too.”  
”When did you stop waking up from them every single night?”  
”When I was a kid, they stopped when my parents let me sleep between them. When I was pressganged, they started again and it took more than half a year after Flint had found me until I stopped waking poor Mr. Gates up every night with my screaming. They decreased almost to nothing and the major thing after that was the storm and the torture… I’ve been waking up from nightmares a lot, Ben. And stopped.”  
”And you’re not mad…”  
  
Billy smiles.  
  
”Not in the least. And neither are you. You’re just having bad memories and blood about as cold as an English river.”  
”Pity I can’t have some of yours.”  
”I think that would be quite messy. But you can have as much as you wish from my warmth.”  
”Careful. I could take your words for it, ’cause it’s very nice to feel this warm again.”  
”I wont mind.”  
  
He really wont. He can’t remember the last time it had felt so natural to hold another human close. Ben is a pretty man and a kind one and he isn’t dirty or smells bad. Without really thinking about it, Billy puts a hand on Ben’s head and pulls him closer to have him resting completely against Billy’s frame. The nestled position creates an illusion of safety that Ben needs just as much as the warmth right now. Perhaps even more.  
  
The almost goldenhaired head tilts a little further against Billy’s neck, Ben’s forehead touching the side of his throat and Billy can’t help but allowing his lips to rest in the hair. Comforting a mate is something he is familiar with, but this feels different. Far more intimate. He is barely aware of how he caresses the other man’s arm and shoulder or how Ben responds by letting his fingers brush shallowly over Billy’s chest. The man has his ear against Billy’s heartbeats and they are steady and calming, familiar like the waves on shore a peaceful night.  
  
Billy tucks Ben in the blanket, using it as a cover over both their knees and chests, until the man is completely nestled in the warmth of the fabric, Billy’s arms and thighs. The closeness is comforting for Billy too, he discovers. Even if he’s the one forming himself as a shelter around Ben, Billy feels better from it as well. Protected, from what he’s not sure of and doesn’t care to know about, but most of all less lonely. That’s a bit weird, because Billy’s always felt like a part of the crew where every man counts and no one is to be left alone with trouble should he need help and comfort. He can’t think of anything that would make him feel in more need for closeness than usual. All he knows right now, in this very moment while Ben is leaning back against him, is that he doesn’t want to let go. He wants Ben to stay close to him, not because of the amount of body heat his back provides with, but because it’s… Ben.  
  
”Getting any warmer?”  
”Yeah. Thank you… For this. I’m not really used to it.”  
”Guess most men feel more comfortable being like this with a woman.”  
”Probably.”  
  
Billy swallows. He wants to know but isn’t really sure on how to do it.  
  
”Have you… uhm… visited the inn yet?”  
”Of course I have. Have had a drink or two.”  
”I meant the girls.”  
”Oh… Well, to be honest I’m not interested.”  
  
In what? Women? Whores? Sex? Holding this man close has proved to feel much better than Billy would’ve imagined. The solid pressure and warmth from Ben’s back, the scent of his hair… Billy wouldn’t trade this moment for anything right now. He wants to hold Ben Gunn in his arms and never let go and he searches for the man’s hands under the blanket, a mute question made of skin and answered by hands twining with his. An almost accidental turn of Billy’s head but not accidental at all, allows his lips to brush the man’s head. His soft hair that seems to be shifting in the colours of sand, gold and coal depending on the light, feels warm against Billy’s mouth. The entire feeling of Ben being this close to him is making his heart race.  
  
”What about you?”  
”Me?”  
”Well… I’ve not seen you visit the girls.”  
”And you wont see me do it either.”  
  
In another world, this would’ve been unthinkable. Punishable by death. The yearning for another man’s touch. Another man’s warmth. Another man’s lips. When Billy tilts his head and searches for Ben’s mouth, there’s no shame or fear in it. All he’s aware of is how easy it is, how good and natural it feels to touch and taste the man. The relief is spreading through his body from Ben’s response. His hungry lips, soft and just as eager as his own, fit so perfectly with Billy’s mouth, their tongues slow and almost groping moves until they both feel safe enough to dive in for real.  
  
None of them has been prepared for this. The need or the ease. Not with each other. The kiss feels so right, like a natural part of the embrace even if it hadn’t been natural with any other man. Or woman. Everything Billy hasn’t cared to notice before, is within reach now. Ben’s body, now filling out a bit more after the long imprisonment, feels so good to touch, to taste. Billy can’t help but closing his arms tighter around him, pressing him impossibly closer to his chest. He wants to give comfort, warmth and a closeness neither of them has felt for a very long time, if ever. Billy knows nothing about Ben’s past, at least not on a personal level. Ben’s last months before coming to Nassau have been all about a silent waiting for death. And Billy’s own life has felt like one long hunt for clarity since he fell overboard in the storm.  
  
Ben doesn’t want the things from him that other men ask for. Leadership, strenght, knowledge or loyalty. Not in the usual forms. Billy can feel, so very clear from the way Ben is responding to his hands and mouth, that he isn’t looking for that kind of comfort. The man is starving for looks and touches that sees _him_ and only him. Just as Billy is.  
  
The floor is hard and the blankets a poor replacement for a bed, so Billy simply hauls Ben to his feet and drags him along to the bed they’ve taken turns to sleep in. One night Ben has slept in it and Billy on a mattress on the floor, the next they’ve shifted. As they kick off their boots and moves to lay down on the narrow bed, Billy thinks that maybe they wont need to shift anymore. Maybe they don’t need to be so alone, maybe Ben, maybe _Billy_ doesn’t have to feel so alone anymore… Maybe, maybe not. There are no certainties in life, only a constant grasping for it. All they can be certain of in this moment is that they’re closer now than ever before, but for how long… that’s something none of them can forsay.  
  
The force in the craving is far stronger than Billy’d imagined. They can’t stop touching. Can’t seem to make a complete distance even while relieving themselves of clothes. Ben’s hands almost clutches to him, to his shirt, his belt, his skin, as if Billy is an anchor, a safe haven. Billy’s never felt like a homeport for anyone. Not like this. The unspoken thing Ben’s grasping for goes far beyond the things a fellow crew mate, a trusted quartermaster or even a loyal friend can provide. More than the temporary sweetness in a lustful embrace with a lover. And Billy’s not sure he can give it, but if he’s ever felt the urge to, it’s now. For this man and this man only.  
  
Their bodies are both marked with all the scars and half healed wounds, mostly small, the life they’re living provides them with. Billy lets his hands trace over Ben’s still thin frame, where the signs of malnourishment can be seen in the slightly visible ribs. He caresses the skin light at first, looking and listening to any sign of discomfort. There are old markings on Ben’s hip bones, telling about a belt being tightened harder and harder to keep the trousers from falling down because of long starvation. There are white scars from a whip on his shoulders, markings similar to the ones Billy has himself, but not as old. Some of them have only recently faded from pink to white. And Billy wants to kill the people who’ve marked the man in his arms. All his usual pragmatism, his reasonable way of looking at injuries seems to have left him when it comes to Ben Gunn. No one can hurt him. _How fucking dared they hurt him?_  
  
Coming together under the blanket is pent up need mixed with fear. Fear of wanting too much, of not being able to give enough. It’s the way Ben’s knuckles turn white while holding on to Billy’s arms, how both their hearts are racing, their bodies switching between tension and softness, with the need, the sexual urges as the only clear thing. The only beacon they both can see and follow right now.  
  
Billy’s been with other men, he’s been in love with them or only lusted for them, but with Ben it’s more. He wants to be careful, wants to linger in the sweetness of just being close and not diving in too quickly. It’s been so long since he had a man in bed without feeling he could be exchanged for someone else. Ben isn’t exchangable. They’ve not said a word after the mutual but careful revealing of their disinterest in women, only with their hands and kisses. They’re facing each other, Ben’s having his head on Billy’s arm and the closeness is slowly increasing.  
  
Ben is a pretty, desireble man. His body makes Billy wet with wanting and he can’t hold back a small moan when they’re finally slotted against each other with no fabrics between them. Thighs, chests and cocks just grinding together in their breathy embrace and it feels so good in every way. There is no sense of any holding back or hidden agendas, it’s just the two of them sharing a need that went far deeper than they were aware of.  
  
Billy’s moving down, leaving a wet trail of kisses on the marked skin. When he’s reaching the dark curls between Ben’s legs, he grinds his cheek against the swollen member, kisses the lean shaft until Ben’s searching for more by pushing his hips further up. Billy takes the leaking cock in one hand, gripping it quite loosely by the base and then presses just a light kiss on the head. Ben hisses and the hiss turns to a moan when the hot cave of Billy’s mouth surrounds him. The salty, musky taste only increases Billy’s own arousal. He swirls his tongue over the head, sucks gently and caresses the shaft all the way down to the base, making Ben curse.  
  
”Dammit!”  
  
It’s not a protest, his hands are tugging at Billy’s hair, his legs are coming around Billy’s body to increase the contact and Billy continues his ministrations, sucking, licking and swallowing the man, nuzzling the hair at the base and gently plays with the balls in his hand. The muscles in Ben’s stomach are moving in waves and the sight is mesmerizing. His back is moving slightly off the bed and when Billy concentrates on the head, sucking just a little harder while moving his fingers around the balls, Ben’s moaning loud and broken.    
  
Billy wants nothing more than to fuck the man. He’s been leaking for a fucking eternity now and Ben’s cock is dripping when Billy lets it drop from his mouth. He lifts Ben’s legs, pressing the thighs gently to the man’s chest and looks at him to discover any possible sign of discomfort, but the blue eyes have turned black with need and Billy bends down. He licks a shallow, teasing stripe over the rim, causing Ben’s body to tighten from the if not new so at least rare feeling. It must’ve been a very long time anyone’s done something like this for him and the broken sounds tells Billy it’s something the man has missed. He licks around the pink hole, the perineum and under the balls, now heavy in his palm. To give the man this, hearing, feeling and seeing his reactions is sweet as honey and Billy slicks a finger in the lamp with long since cooled oil, placed beside the bed. He turns him gently to the side, before pushing inside him.  
  
”Fuck, yes…”  
  
Ben’s reaction is one of wanting and anticipation. He pushes back, trying to get as much of Billy’s finger inside him as possible and Billy has to grab his own lenght by the base to starve some of the sensation that Ben’s movements and sounds are building up inside him. He wants the man so badly, needs to get inside him but it’s been so long since Ben did this and he’s so tight despite the oil.  
  
Billy slowly makes one finger two, than three while caressing Ben’s abdomen with his mouth. He uses his whole face to pet the lean skin, to make the man feel relaxed and wanted.  
  
”God, you’re such a pretty man… So damn pretty, Ben Gunn…”  
  
It’s not lies or even exaggerations to make the man open up easier. Billy means every word he says and more. He wants Ben like he’s never wanted anyone before and not only bodily. It takes time to make the sore and tense man safe in his arms and that task is one that Billy takes to with all the care and patience a man in love can provide.  
  
Yes, he’s in love. He’s been so for some time now, only not being fully aware of it. It’s a feeling even more rare than safety or peace, that’s proved to be hard to reckognize. But when he finally places himself between the beautiful man’s legs, letting the thighs rest on his own and starts to slide back a forth over the rim, just teasing a little as he leans down to loose himself in the man’s lips once again, Billy realises that even though he’s not the bottom here right now, he’s seriously fucked.  
  
When the tight heat slowly surrounds him, Ben’s completely relaxed and has his eyes opened. The blue eyes, that always seem worried and lonely, insecure even, are calm now and Billy slides in the whole way with ease, biting back a moan that wants to slip by from the feeling.  
  
”Fuck, you’re so tight…”  
”It’s been a while…”  
  
The smile is just a little sad, Ben’s eyes are curious and almost happy, but Billy still leans down to kiss away the slight hint of sadness from the lips, nestling his arms under Ben’s shoulders to make an embrace before he starts moving in earnest.  
  
It’s so far from other men he’s been with. The heated kisses, the way they hold on to each other, how Ben’s blunt nails dig deep into the skin on his back and how the man cries out with every thrust. Billy knows he’ll have a hard time lasting long now. Everything feels so good, thrusting inside Ben is like being enclosed by a velvet vice, caressing his cock by clenching and releasing in a pace as regular as calm waves. His kisses are eliciting whimpers from Billy’s mouth, little noises of neediness and pleasure no one’s heard from him before. He’s always been a quiet lover, but not now.  
  
When he moves to take Ben’s cock in hand, the man looses what little restrains he has left. As Billy brings him closer to the edge, the usually so quiet, almost invisible man, turns into a moaning, gasping mess in his arms, swirling his legs around Billy’swaist to get closer, hissing loudly as he comes all over Billy’s fist and Billy has to take a moment when the muscles in Ben’s body tightens so hard around him he can barely move. The man slowly relaxes, loosening up enough for Billy to pull out all the way to the tip, thrusting hard again and again, so deep it feels as if he could split Ben in half. When Billy comes, it’s like being hit right in the guts without the pain. It just takes out every other sensation, leaving his whole body squirming from the orgasm as he empties himself in the tight, smooth heat, thrusting erratically, rhythm and pace lost somewhere with the rest of his sense.  
  
Ben loosens a little around him, both of them panting and Billy’s frame is smeared in seed. He presses a soft kiss on the man’s head and pulls out. He wants to fall down on top of him and fall asleep, but rises to get a cloth to wipe them off. He’s careful with this too. Removing the traces of their coupling. He doesn’t want any of this union, no matter how brief it may be in the long run, left to chances. He wants to show care, needs to show it and Ben is watching him with tired, soft eyes as Billy dries him off with gentle hands, almost devoting in their movements. He can’t seem to get enough of Ben, of his body, his eyes, his heartbeats. When he’s done with the cloth, he wipes himself off too and leaves to fetch the blankets left by the burned out fire.  
  
He doesn’t even ask, he just knows he has to. Has to make sure Ben’s warm. Being allowed close enough to show something more than a brotherly care, comes so natural to him with this man, Billy’s not even aware of it. He can’t lie down again until the easily frozen man has all the comfort he needs to feel warm and safe.  
  
Ben is already curled up on the side like a cat and a wave of tenderness goes through Billy by the sight. He spreads out the blankets as even as possible around the man, tucking him in around his back before laying down to pull him close and making him lay on his arm. Ben hums in sleepy contentment as Billy arranges them in a comfortable position and crawls in under the blanket, providing even more warmth. He strokes the golden hair, entangles his fingers in it and Ben sighs.  
  
”Are you alright, Ben?”  
”Never better.”  
  
Billy tucks him even closer, finally reckognizing exactly what he feels for the man, what he’s been feeling for a while now without really understand it. And as Ben nuzzles his chest, warm, relaxed and without any tension left in his still aching body, Billy knows all he needs to know. They’re not alone anymore.  
  
**THE END**


End file.
